Some of My Favourite Statuses/ Texts/ Conversation Excerpts of 2011-2012 (Part I)

A Jamaican man was having sex with his girlfriend for the 1st time. The man screamed out and ran to the kitchen. He came back with a glass of water and threw it in the vagina. The frightened woman shouted, “Wat de ‘ell yuh do dat fah?” The man said, “De pussy too sweet man, mi gwan dilute it. Remember mi diabetic.”

Agony is wen u in a Q behind 10 pple and u really like really need to shit. You get to the cash point and you can barely walk…..And then it doesn’t give you money—Real life text

‎To all those that are talking rubbish about Manchester United, May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels Infest your ASS and May your Arms Be Too Short to Scratch!!mxiiii

Fiona: Mesho, get a life

Gabi Waku Kamphata: I got a life; I got an afterlife, a life before life- I was all up in the scrotum bumping hands like, “What up? What up? You talking to a champ. I’mma get to that egg”

“I was shocked at how amazingly crap it was”. The best post-sex text I have received this year *NOT re: sex with me*x2 but a friend describing their experiences to me.

I am the love of your life. You’ll never meet another anyone anything anywhere better then me.- A text to me.

May all your problems disappear like subsidy fertilizer all your sorrows be scarce like forex and all your worries shutdown like Escom power; but may your blessings line up like fuel Qs and your faith in God increase like maize prices. Enjoy 2012

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