I go on believing in the possibility of love and my certainty of it is stronger than my belief that the world will one day end; that the sun will rise tomorrow; that the wind will blow. I mean that if the chances of all the above were at par, I would sooner believe in the possibility of love than any of the others.
I adore my ex -for a great many number of things which by and by my blog must divulge-but in this context, for disillusioning me: I truly do not know if there is an ‘absolute truth’ in the universe but my truth is subject to my experiences and I am not nearly pompous enough to subject everyone to it since my experiences are not theirs.
Love, for me, is not a choice as others claim it is for them. Switching on a switch is a choice; being caught in a thunderstorm isn’t. It is an occurrence which is completely beyond the realm of one’s control.
How can I ‘choose’ to love someone when I cannot control their choosing to love me.?
Most people who subscribe to this tell me that you talk to your partner and if you are both in the same place you make a choice to make it work. For me, this seems like just a case of acknowledging to your partner and getting confirmation from them regarding something that was already there.
My ex disillusioned me from thinking that love is ‘a possibility with anyone’ and everything is in my hands. ‘Happiness is there just waiting for me to seize it!’ and if I am not in love it’s my fault because I missed the chance; and for somebody who craves love as if it were along lost limb, you can imagine the pressure; always on the look out to make the choice. Now that I am no longer hypnotised by this illusion I no longer feel the compulsion to assess every guy I meet as a possible ‘choice’. It’s not up to me to decide whether or not it rains today; love will either overtake me or it won’t and if it doesn’t it’s not my fault, and for thus freeing me of this burden I say, “Let’s have a toast for the douchebag”.